Schizophasia Blog

Before you begin screening marriage counselors to help you save your marriage, you MUST consider the potential drawbacks of marriage counseling so you can get all your facts straight FIRST. This article will help you avoid making a costly mistake that could not only set you back financially…but cost you your marriage as well.

In July of 1999, at a conference for professional marriage counselors, a credible marriage counselor by the name of Dr. William J. Doherty, gave a shocking report on the state of marriage counseling to his fellow professionals.

According to Doherty, most marriage counseling is HAZARDOUS, not helpful to your marriage.

Therapy-based, American style marriage counseling (practiced by most marriage counselors) can actually do more HARM than good in your marriage.

All hope is NOT lost however, for the rising number of struggling couples. There ARE more effective alternatives to marriage counseling - they are so effective in fact that even professional marriage counselors are admitting that couples need MARRIAGE EDUCATION more than they do marriage therapy.

In June of 1999, USA Today reported that, “Even fans of marriage counseling are saying disturbing things. Research shows that it doesn’t work as well as we once thought and it might not last.” That report reinforce the research that shows a great majority of marriage counselors conducting therapy have had no formal training at all.

This research further documented that two years after couples went through marriage counseling, 25% of the couples were WORSE OFF than before they started the therapy.

Up to 38% of them actually divorced.

Perhaps what’s even more shocking is the fact that therapists who actually work with COUPLES, are in the minority.

80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, yet only 12% are in a profession that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on dealing with couples.

If you ask marriage counselors about their approach, the vast majority will tell you that they find working with individuals much more “productive” than working with couples.

Dr. William J. Doherty stated, “Couples therapy is the most difficult therapy of all because every session starts with the threat of divorce”.

After training marriage counselors for a living, in his 1999 address at the conference for professional marriage counselors, Dr. Doherty called the methods of marriage counselors, “Hazardous to your marital health.”

He established four ways that marriage counselors have produced DESTRUCTIVE outcomes in marriages.

According to Doherty, there are four ways marriage counselors can do more harm than good in your marriage…

1. By being incompetent

2. By being neutral

3. By pathologizing (telling you why your marriage is “sick”)

4. By being overtly undermining (attempting to break up the marriage)

INCOMPETENT: In the case of incompetent marriage counselors, the counselor has not been trained to work with couples together. They believe working with two people is an expanded version of working with one, but it is not. An individual is easy to listen to, but a battling couple is not. Working with couples requires skill, structure and a very different approach than one-on-one therapy.

NEUTRAL: These marriage counselors, Doherty claims, are not neutral about marriage at all. When a counselor appears to be neutral, but actually takes sides with the more self-oriented spouse, they are undermining the marriage. “When a counselor uses the language of individual self interests, it undercuts the moral commitment that is owed to the marriage.” Doherty stated.

PATHOLOGIZING: Pathologizing is when marriage counselors build a case insisting that the couple has a “sick” relationship. They actually ENCOURAGE couples to get a divorce by saying things like, “Why SHOULD YOU hang in there? Why be a victim?” These marriage counselors make couples believe that they’re being abused, which causes both spouses to draw their only conclusion: “If the professional thinks this is over, then I should too.”

UNDERMINING: While telling couples what they should do is against the code of ethics of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, many therapists still do it. These therapists say phrases like, “You should probably end this marriage.” or, “If you’re going to stay sane, you should move out.” Undermining therapists urge husbands and wives to sever their relationships with family members and spouses.

If you’re looking for a good marriage counselor, Dr. Doherty urges you to ask questions first. Learn about the therapists’ values by asking questions like these:

1. Are you self taught, workshop-trained or college educated in working with couples?

Bad Answer: College educated.

Good Answer: Self taught or workshop trained and they speak convincingly about how their program saves marriages.

2. What is your attitude about saving a troubled marriage vs. helping a couple break up?

Bad Answer: “It’s not my decision. Couples have to make their own decision.” (This is an evasive answer…not a good sign.)

Good Answer: “I help couples find ways to stay together and help them understand and overcome their problems.”

3. Where do you stand when one spouse wants to stay and the other wants a divorce?

Bad Answer: “I try to get people to understand their own feelings.” (This is a focus on the individual, NOT the couple.)

Good Answer: “This is normally what I see with couples. I have ways to help them both handle this in positive ways.”

4. What percentage of your practice involves both husband and wife?

Bad Answer: “I find working with husbands and wives individually to be more practical.”

Good Answer: “All of it. When both people are with me and following my process, I find they have the greatest success rate.”

5. Of all the couples you treat, what percentage stay married and have a better marriage in the end?

Bad Answer: “100%” or “I don’t keep that type of information.”

Good Answer: About 70 to 80% stay happily married, while the rest drop out of my process and are unwilling to finish.

The difference in the answers you receive from marriage counselors is the feeling you get when you talk with them. Bad answers feel evasive or vague while good answers are confident and positive.

Now that you know the right questions to ask, you can confidently screen marriage counselors, separating the GOOD from the bad. But if you’re hesitant about bringing a marriage counselor into your marriage, as Dr. Doherty suggested, marriage education might be the answer you’re looking for.

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“Can someone track a user (name, home address, etc.) simply by having their email or IP address? The reason I ask is my kids play some games online, and these sites sometimes have a chat area, where the players can talk to each other while playing. Can my kids be tracked down in any way?”

Are You Invisible Online?

It’s true that your IP address is no secret. It’s a basic part of internet communication protocols to send your IP address whenever you connect to another site, request a web page, chat, play an online game, etc. Without your IP address, the computer on the other end wouldn’t know where to send the reply.

But that doesn’t mean that Evildoers can find your house if they know your IP address. Each time you go online (if you have dialup) or each time you start your computer (if you have cable or dsl) you will be assigned an IP address, randomly selected from a pool of IP’s assigned to your Internet service provider (ISP).
WHOIS Your ISP

So a person MIGHT be able to get a general idea of your geographic location, based on your IP address, by doing a lookup on the WHOIS database, but that will only tell them the physical location of your ISP — not YOUR home address.

And if you use a large regional or nationwide ISP, the IP lookup probably reveals nothing of interest. For example, if you are an AOL subscriber, your IP address lookup will show the location as Dulles, Virginia — regardless of where you live.
When The Law Comes A Knockin’

Of course there is an exception to every rule. If Joe or Jane User calls your ISP and wants to know who was using a certain IP address last Tuesday, the ISP will tell them to go away. But if an officer of the law hands your ISP a court order to reveal that information, they must do so. Your ISP’s logs will enable them to determine which customer was using a certain IP address on a certain date & time, and they must reveal that information if a court has found probable cause that a crime was committed by that person.

But for the truly paranoid (or the criminally inclined) there are ways to surf the web anonymously. The Anonymizer service will act as a proxy between you and your ISP, and they claim that your information cannot be subpoenaed because they do not store it.
What About Email Addresses?

The same concepts apply to your email address. The part that follows the “@” sign is your ISP’s domain name. And given the domain name, one can determine the ISP’s physical location, but nothing personally identifying about the email user without a court order.

Web-based email accounts are not truly anonymous, either. Even if you don’t provide your real name when signing up, they can capture your IP address and track you through your ISP if necessary.
Other Considerations

It’s much more likely that you or your children will reveal your physical location the old fashioned way — by just blurting it out. Kids who chat or play online games should be reminded often that they should never reveal any personal information, including their last name, phone number or home address.

Oh, and if you have any spyware or viruses on your system, all bets are off. These things are designed to violate your privacy. If you need help with scanning your system for spyware, adware and other unwanted pests, see my articles How can I avoid computer viruses? and Spy, Counter-Spy (http://www.askbobrankin.com/spy_counter-spy.html) for details on how to protect yourself from those risks.

BOB RANKIN… is a tech writer and computer programmer who enjoys exploring the Internet and sharing the fruit of his experience with others. His work has appeared in ComputerWorld, NetGuide, and NY Newsday. Bob is publisher of the Internet TOURBUS newsletter, author of several computer books, and creator of the http://LowfatLinux.com website. Visit Bob Rankin’s website for more helpful articles and free tech support.

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There are a great deal of sound reasons why you might require a garden shed and as luck would have it there are sheds to suit just about every need. Sheds can be purchased just about everywhere but what you will observe is the price will vary hugely. You should not have to give up the garden shed you require because it is excessively pricey though. A garden shed is something you purchase once and utilize for years and when you have a look online you can find cheap garden sheds at some pretty silly prices. I do not mean cheap and silly as in quality but as in price. You’ll find you can have the garden shed you need for the cost of the one you were about to settle for a lot cheaper and if you possess a garden that you tend to every day you will most in all probability need to look into Sheds as a space to place the water hose, tools and fertilizer and so forth.

Protecting your tools and making them easily accessible is a real good idea. You can find cheap sheds on the net that are the same sheds you’d purchase in the store. In fact, you can even go to the store and shop even touch them to find if it’s what you need and then you can go on-line and buy it for a lot lower price. The difference in cost is significant!

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What better way to say “goodbye” to your girlfriend’s single way of life than hosting a bachelorette party. A bachelorette party can be a “wild” time on the town or as simple as a night at the movies and/or dinner. The most important thing to remember is that the party should reflect the personality of the bride to be. If the bride does not like the bar scene or did not drink alcohol, you certainly would not arrange to go bar hoping all night long.

There are all sorts of possibilities for a good bachelorette party. A quiet dinner followed by a movie or a dinner theatre is always entertaining. A day at the spa pampering, or a good old fashion pajama party is simple to organize and always fun.

Another favorite idea for a bachelorette party is a night on the town. Visiting the local “hot spots” or the bride-to-be’s favorite pub are always options for a good party. Renting a limo for the night really adds to the “night out” theme and everyone attending can have a good time and not worry about driving if they have been drinking. Attending a ‘male revue” like the Chippendale dancers has become a very popular idea for a bachlorette party.

Whatever you decide on for hosting a bachelorette party, do keep in the mind the personality of the bride-to-be, and how early she will have to get up in the morning!

For more information, visit one of these sites: Bachelorette Party and Party Supplies

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Weddings are made in heaven, they say, but they have to be organized on earth. For most of us wedding is a once-in-lifetime affair when someone most special becomes yours for the rest of your life. So certainly you want your wedding to be special, you want to make it a perpetually memorable occasion, an occasion you can visit in your memories and savor its moments frame by frame.

As it is required for any major event, your wedding needs to be planned in advance to keep away the unexpected disasters that sometimes choose the oddest of times to manifest. We advise that you maintain a binder or a digital scheduler to track all the aspects of your wedding. Maintain separate tabs for things such as bakery, ceremony, catering, florist, music, reception, photography, transportation, etc., so that you can keep a track of what’s done and remains to be done.

During the planning stage you’ll be gleaning items like brochures, phone numbers, vendor estimates and bids, song sheets, receipts, pictures and contracts. Along with these you’ll obviously collect pictures of wedding gowns, bridesmaids’ gowns, flower arrangements, centerpieces and bridal bouquets, jewelry, photo samples given you by photographers, wedding accessories and other pictures that will help you plan your dream wedding. You can organize all these wedding related things with the help of your binder. You’ll have to schedule in advance your meetings with different wedding vendors, professionals and service providers.

Here are a few pointers to make your wedding as seamless as possible:

- DO THINGS IN ADVANCE
Things that can be done in advance…do them. This frees your time for more pressing, last-minute chores, and gives you more bargaining power because of the time you have to look and ask around.

- CHOOSE A WEDDING DAY CAREFULLY
Try choosing a day that’s suitable to all for your wedding if you want all your loved ones to attend it.

- MAINTAIN A COMPREHENSIVE TO-DO LIST
This way you can keep crossing the things you have done.

- GUESTS LIST
Believe it or not, sometimes we forget to invite people we really want to be present there. Make sure every important person is on the list, along with the contact details.

[o] CHOOSE YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER AND CATERER CAREFULLY
They are the most important components of your wedding because pleasant food generates pleasant atmosphere, and the photographs that are clicked on that date are the precious moments captured for the coming generations.

We hope you have a splendid wedding and a harmonious future together.

Websites To Check Out:
Disc Jockeys

Catering

Limousine Services

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If you thought the Wedding Speech was only the best man’s responsibility, think again! Contemporary weddings expect a speech not only from the best man, but also the maid of honor, the bride’s father and even the groom himself. Given that public speaking is the #1 phobia that people suffer from it can be quite an uphill task to write out and orate a speech for a wedding.

Here are 7 tips on how you can prepare to give a perfect wedding speech.

1. Write down your speech and break it into parts - the opening, middle and the closing. Not only will this make it easier to remember, but it will also help you organize everything you want to say in a coherent and logical manner.

2. If you are not sure of what you should include in your speech think about buying some ready made wedding speeches. You can find some great best man and maid of honor speech ebooks and handbooks. Invest in a good one that will guide you through what you need to say in your speech.

3. Use humor to keep your speech interesting and light. The only way to ensure that you have the guests attention is to keep them laughing and asking for more.

4. Any stories that you include in your speech must be about people that most of the guests know. Talking about your high school girlfriend and her best friend’s wedding is not going to win you any brownie points. Keep the story short and preferably about the bride or groom. Also, skip any racy stories from your speech that might cause potential embarrassment to anyone in the wedding party. Any and all mention of ex-girlfriends and boyfriends is a strict no-no.

5. Practice, practice and more practice. The best speakers are those who practice what they have to say. They may look like they’ve been giving wedding speeches all their lives. The fact remains that to look spontaneous, fluent and a great orator you have to put in some effort. It is important to practice your speech before the mirror or an audience at least 7-10 times before the actual D-day.

6. Be comfortable. Remember this is not a job interview. It is a wedding and an occasion to celebrate. Most people wish you the best and will receive the wedding speech well. So there really is no reason for you to be nervous or worry.

7. A wedding speech generally closes with a toast to the bridal couple.

Use these tips to ensure that your Wedding Speech brings a smile to everyone’s face and a tear to some eyes!

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There is no refuting the fact that the success or failure of a business in the end is thanks to the dedicated work of the workforce, however one incident can quickly wipe out your plans & bring down the income to dust. So, to keep away from such an example, you are suggested to insure your business, whether it is a small enterprise or a huge corporation. Nonetheless, please remember that smaller companies are significantly more probable to require business insurance protection in today’s world. This is essentially because smaller firm owners will have placed their whole lives & pay cheque straight into the firm.

A couple of the items normally guarded by most business insurance covers entail: natural disasters, tornadoes, machine or apparatus breakdown that shuts down the company, loss of profits on account of workforce casualness and lawsuits brought against the organisation. Procure professional indemnity online today.

There are copious numbers of insurance firms, which provide policy covers that include both protection for all important property & legal risks in one package. You can also obtain a separate policy. Such a policy is known as a business owners’ policy (BOP). Large sized firms may obtain a business policy cover.

BOPs integrate property insurance for property and kit belonging to the organisation. If there is any loss of profits attributed to disruption of operation & trade because of tragedies like fire, it can be covered under the Business Interruption Insurance policy.

There are an assortment of liabilities, which cover the businesses legal liability for the damage it may inflict to others. It is the consequence your businesses failure to do the business operations. It can as well be the bodily injury or building damage caused as a result of malfunctioning goods, faulty fittings & slip-ups in services provided.

Yet, BOPs don’t cover professional liability, motor cover, staff reimbursement or health and disability cover. In this instance separate policies are required for professional services, commercial vehicles & staff. Generally, floods, earthquakes & terrorist attacks are not covered in the business cover. Please double check before you buy!

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You are never too old to play games. Well, there are some games you shouldn’t be playing at this point in your relationship. You shouldn’t be playing on his or her guilt and you shouldn’t be manipulating in order to get what you want. Those games are unacceptable, inappropriate and they will only serve to deteriorate any trust and respect that might exist in your marriage. The kind of games I’m talking about includes having fun with each other. You can have fun with each other every single day you are married! Fun only takes a moment or you can take much longer if you have the time. Fun and love go hand in hand as well as allow a partnership to grow in laughter and trust.

Start playing games with each other on a regular basis. You can play board games or you can make up games of your own. Try role-playing games! They can be plain silly or they can turn into very intimate encounters. The wonderful thing about playing games with your spouse is that you learn a great deal about each other while building trust. You can even reenact wonderful times you’ve had together. If you had an incredible first date, go back to the place you had your date, relive the moments and even try to reenact the most special moments.

You may not know about it, but you might actually know a couple whom already plays a very common yet private game among couples. It’s basically a ‘hide and seek’ game that goes on, well, forever! You and your spouse choose an object and you each take turns to ‘return’ it to the other in creative ways. Some spouses have had the objects expressed mailed to them, others hid it in a place special to their spouse and other couples used intermediate individuals to deliver the object like flight attendants or waiters.

True trust can come from playing games in the bedroom- as well as a ton of fun! Start your morning by planning to make love that night. Try to keep ‘foreplay’ going all day long. Call your spouse with reminders and teasers about what is going to happen, what you want to do and how your partner makes you feel. By the time you both reach the bedroom, you will both feel as if you’ve spent hours at foreplay.

Play some fun games while you’re out with your spouse. When you are at the mall, commit to kissing every time you see another couple holding hands. (Unfortunately, you might not be kissing as often as you think.) Kiss at each stop sign or stop light. Make love at unusual locations like changing rooms, rest stops or restrooms.

Role-playing is a popular game among adults. One of the most popular role-playing games is to pretend you aren’t married and you are having an affair with each other. Carry out all of the actions you think might be involved in an affair including how you would act, what you would do and where you would go.

Devote a day to both of you as a couple. Take some of these ideas or some of your own ideas and use them in order to spend time together, learn about each other and laugh as hard as you can.

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Wedding accessories are so important when it comes down to adding the finishing touches to the bridal attire. If you think the bridal look is complete without wedding accessories then I urge you to think again. Wedding gowns need garnishing with elegance and this is achieved by choosing the right essential wedding accessories.

Wedding veils

Watch how the veil sets the scene and speaks volumes as it is nurtured onto the head expelling radiance and beauty. An amazing transformation transpires for the bride once the veil is positioned
Design/style of your chosen gown will help you decide on what veil is best suitable. Traditional veils normally measure approx three and half yards long, in saying that remember this is your day and if you want your veil trailing along the floor then so be it.

Shoes & stockings

Crucial elements are shoes/stockings for the overall look on your wedding day. Before deciding on a pretty shoe because it looks good be sure to try it for comfort as you will be wearing them for the best part of the day. Shoes made of velvet, satin or silk are materials which once again are a common choice made by brides.

Jewelry
Aside from the wedding band/ring consider Jewelry pieces like Grace Kelly pearl peepers with a matching string of pearls to compliment the gown, Jewelry selections as such just oozes and injects elegance, in fact adding glamour in a tasteful feminine way.

Headpieces

Diamante headbands and Juliet caps are generally used to hold the wedding veil in place. All brides’ requirements have been catered for when looking for essential accessories in bridal shops from plain to bling bling. Crystals/pearls hold strong in a brides mind therefore dominating her way of thinking on designs and styles for her wedding gown and accessories.

Star attraction headpieces has to be the tiara all of a shimmer and glimmer.

Gloves

Another accessory that must not to be ignored especially if the wedding gown is off the shoulder/sleeveless, is gloves. Word has it the shorter the sleeve the longer the glove.
Gloves simply conjure up an air of sophistication to any bridal outfit.

Wedding accessories are just as important as your gown so the right choice has to be made to look a million dollars

An honest friend is the best companion to have with you when out shopping for what to wear on your wedding day; it can also help ease pressure.

Just a little friendly warning, make sure the friend you have chosen to help in your bid to look beautiful is not one of your boyfriends old flames.

After hours of reseach I found this fabulous site and hey what do you know everything you could possibly need is all here to make your wedding day special..Well worth a visit dont just take my word for it www.your-wedding-planning-help.com.

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The horse riding holiday offers that rare combination most sought after yet seldom found - the ability to choose solitude or companionship while on holiday. Too often one finds oneself having a miserable time under the auspices of having “fun” while being thrust uncomfortably betwixt others with very little in common or completely confused as to what to expect next. Searching ones memory, it is not difficult to recall at least one holiday with an uneasy sense of something important being missed. Perhaps it is the feeling of connecting with a unique experience one cannot emerge from without being profoundly changed in the process.

For one, the “trusty steed” one finds oneself in day-to-day contact with cannot help but bond with his rider and his moods and emotions as they share the horse riding adventure together. It is not unusual to see horse and rider unobtrusively canter away to a more secluded spot only to return rejuvenated and eager for companionship once again. Those who embark on the horse riding holiday truly have the “best of both worlds.” Where else can one slip away, alone yet not by oneself, searching for solitude and returning only when one is ready to rejoin the world of other fellows who share the same love of the equestrian sport brought to fruition on this most memorable of holidays.

In addition, each moment brings its own special challenge, thus ensuring the occasional bout of boredom an event of the past. Within minutes, depending on the mood of horse and rider, as well as safety considerations of the upcoming, depending on the level of the adventure chosen, terrain, the lulling, peaceful canter may become a challenging uphill climb with the horse watching where his feet go thus leaving the rider free to take in the scenery or engage in conversation with his fellow devotees of the equestrian holiday.

Whether bonding with ones horse, sharing the camaraderie of the fellow travelers enjoying the horse riding holiday in their own way as well, or simply finding a renewed love of the outdoors and the different cultures your adventure may bring you in contact with, the horse riding holiday surely offers experiences as individual as the horse and rider.

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